SETTING LIMITS TO YOUR CHILD
The process which parents use in order to teach an act or a rule to child is called setting limits. Family, society and cultural rules are told in tis way. All parents perform this but actions change according to families. Some of them use punishment methods and some of them do not. Some of them give clear messages, watch reactions of child and intermeddle in efficient way.
The ways about giving messages differs but all of us use the same tools to give our mesage: Words and behaviours. Both of them tell what the rules are. For an example if you tell your child to clean his room before he plays game but if your words and behaviours does not fit and your child begins to play game without cleaning and finally if the mother cleans his room the child got confused about the message that you wanted to give.Your words say ‘Clean yor room’ and your behaviours say ‘It is doesnot matter if you do not clean your room, I will do it.’ So, what is the exact rule? The answer is vague. And if you were the child who wanted to play game a lot which one would you prefer as a rule?
Most of the parents give wrong messages to their children. Children have to take net and clear messages about your rules and expectations in order to show the correct behaviours and this is related with our attitudes.
Children want to know the rules of the enviroment that they live. They want to know what are the expectations from him, who has the control and what would happen if they pass the limits. Limits make children to understand either themselves or the environment. This give the opportunity to discover and learn.
The attitudes of parents are generally grouped as: – rigid rules
– easy rules
The important thing is to support the rules with he attitudes. For an example:
-Turn down the volume of TV
– OK mummy. (But he did not do it.)
After a time,
– Turn down the volume of TV
-OK mummy. (But he did not do it)
The mummy comes, shouts at him and close the door in order not to hear the sound of TV. Here, the child gets the mesage of he could do whatever he wants as long as he listens his mother’s shoutings. The correct way should be:
– Turn down the volume of TV
– OK Mummy
After a while,
– Will you turn down the volume of TV or I will turn off the TV
Children will do what his mummy wanted from him. You have to give clear message and your attitudes should support your words. The only way to set limits is to perform consistent practice with your words and attitudes.
